Tuesday, September 29, 2015

'I felt ashamed as a woman after I lost my baby' Bez' wife Bolatito opens up on painful loss

Today, I watched Bolatito Idakula, wife of singer Bez Idakula speak on the loss of her child and I could almost feel her pain through the TV. She was a guest on Moments on EbonyLife TV where she talked about how she dealt with the loss of the baby girl who died just a day after she was born in May this year, and dealing with the pain and disappointment that came afterwards.

Bolatito, who was sometimes in tears while narrating her experience, said she felt a little ashamed initially for not succeeding at childbirth unlike most of her friends who had successfully given birth before. I recorded her interview and transcribed some of the things she said after the cut...

"I felt like I lost a battle. Maybe I focused on the wrong things. I thought about the people that will have negative things to say. I had a bit of shame which is what happens to a lot of women,. They feel ashamed and a lot of my friends had had children successfully. So I thought why am I not the one having a child successfully? These were the things going through my mind. So I was very ashamed of myself. I felt ashamed. I felt like I lost a battle and I remember I was told that in this world, we are fighting a war and there are many battles in the war. but guess what, you have lost this battle, you will win the war. and I just held on to that and even till today I have held on to that, that I will win this battle and I will win this war"she said
On whether she suffered any form of blame game after the incident, Bolatito said she did initially, asking herself if there was something she did wrong while she was pregnant. The doctors reassured her it was nothing she did. It was a medical condition that was detected while she was pregnant.

Mrs Idakula said some relations even asked her if she drank while she was pregnant, while some questioned her about her lifestyle. Bolatito however says she got over the blame game by talking it through with her husband, writing a lot and also seeing a life coach. She said talking and writing about it was good therapy for her and her story helped other women who were going through same.

On how she and her husband got through the experience, she said the grace of God and the fact that they were best friends
"Once again it is God's grace. My husband and I are friends. We are best friends. We could literally talk as friends, so there wasn't anytime I felt I couldn't be myself. We also understood each other. We deal with things differently. So I still had to do what I needed to do while he needed to do what he needed to do. We understood each other from our friendship"she said
She said she hopes to get pregnant again and hopes for the best the next time around.

from Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog http://bit.ly/1KJq3mf

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